Is my temper getting worse? 

Am i easily getting angry?

Am i throwing tantrum over small little things?

I dont know what i want. I dont know what can i do. I dont know how to make things easy. I dont know what can i do to make us all be good friends again. I dont know how to stop people from saying things which they assumed they know, but the fact that they do not know anything. I dont know what am i suppose to do without being stress. I dont know why cant i have control over my own life. I dont know why am i here. I dont know what else can i do to make myself happy. I dont know why am i always unhappy. I dont know why should i try so hard to make myself happy. I dont know why i cant people stop accusing me. I dont know how to stop people from doing that. I dont know how to make people to shut their mouth up.  I dont know. I dont know. 

A million "i dont know." Get me out of here. I'm dying to get well for this graduating year. Let me just do whatever i could. Let me just be who i want to be. I dont want to think of what am i suppose to do once i graduated. I dont want to be there. Yet. Not yet. Not now. I want to run away. Run away to another country, perhaps New Zealand, where no one would know me. No one will ever find me, even when i'm lying dead on the road side. 

Oh man. I cannot take it anymore. I dont want the people around me to get hurt. Neither would i want to put up a mask anymore. I want to tear down the confidence, always (trying) being happy esther, strong, independence mask. Let me be a kid once again, back to my barbie doll world.

 Can i?