2010 doesn't seem great overall

The 1st month is not over yet, but i find myself miserable.
I'm no longer confidence nor faithful.
I don't know what i want, my vision seem to be narrowing itself.
I read book about life, but i cant paste them into my life.

Pessimistic is the only word i can describe myself here.
Oh well, where is the optimistic me?
I need to find my meaning of life so that i wont be sensitive, paranoid, envy...
...the list goes on.

I guess i am down, just one last cry, and I'll be fine.

I need to be independent. Not going to depend on others.
Buck up, Esther! You can do it!
I don't want to be a failure.